Episode 246 Transcript:

0:00:00 Ramona Shaw: Welcome to episode 246. In this episode, we’re going to talk about a really important, crucial social skill and leadership skill, and that is reading the room. In the executive trainings that we do, the question often comes up, how do I read the room? And what specifically do people mean when they say read the room? That’s exactly what we’re going to talk about here. I’m going to keep it really practical.

0:00:26 Ramona Shaw: Reading the Room encompasses a lot of different competencies and abilities that would help you read the room. But my goal for this episode is not to give you a lecture about reading the room, but to give you some really specific practical tips on how you can get better in your next meeting. Be this with internal people and co workers or external partners, vendors or clients to adapt and adjust your style based on your ability to read the room, Here are the two questions this podcast answers.

0:00:56 Ramona Shaw: 1. How do you successfully transition into your first official leadership role? And 2 how do you keep climbing that leadership ladder and continuously get promoted? Although the competition and the expectations get bigger? This show, The Manager Track podcast, will provide the answers. I’m your host, Ramona Shaw. I’m on a mission to create workplaces where work is seen as a source of contribution, connection and personal fulfillment. And this transition starts with developing a new generation of leaders who know how to lead so everyone wins and grows.

0:01:28 Ramona Shaw: In the show, you’ll learn how to think, communicate, and act as confident and competent leader you know you can be. Welcome to The Manager Track podcast. As I said in the introduction, today we’re diving into a crucial skill that can make or break your effectiveness as a leader, and that is reading the room. You know, it’s that ability to pick up on what’s really going on in a social setting, in a room or otherwise, any social setting.

0:01:56 Ramona Shaw: It’s picking up on the emotions, on the attitudes, on the behaviors, the things that are happening but aren’t spelled out in the big neon letters as we walk into the room. The things that are not on the agenda. Let’s talk about why this is important, and I’m going to use some prominent memorable fails that really drive home why this matters. So, for example, Sundar Pichai, Google CEO, was announcing significant layoffs at Google back in January of 2023, and he did it via email.

0:02:27 Ramona Shaw: Many employees found his messaging and his approach impersonal and abrupt. In his message, he emphasized the company’s challenges rather than really acknowledging in that moment that the layoffs would have significant human impact. As a result of that, he was criticized for Lacking empathy and misreading the emotional needs that affected employees during that difficult time. Well, let’s take former BP CEO Tony Hayward’s infamous I’d like to get my life back comment. During the devastating 2010 Gulf oil spill crisis, families were grieving over loved ones and communities were watching their livelihoods disappear.

0:03:07 Ramona Shaw: And Hayward’s comment of wanting his life back was tone deaf and created a lot of backlash for him personally because it was a spectacular failure of his ability to read the sentiment, the emotion, or in our words, the room of what was needed in that moment. A somewhat personal example. I have an accounting company that was doing my books for a few years and on December 27, when I was off and wasn’t really thinking about my books at that time, I received an email that said, hey, we wanted to let you know we’re shutting down with immediate effect.

0:03:44 Ramona Shaw: And here is another company that you should consider if you want to continue doing your books at some point in the future. We will let you know when you’ll be able to download your financial data. Now, as a receiver of this email, on December 27th, basically two business days before year end, I acknowledge that businesses are going through hard times and I can only imagine that the CEO of this company was having a really hard time over the holidays figuring out how to make payroll, noticing the impact that this decision would have on the employees and their families, and doing it during a time where people are wanting to be home and at ease and at peace.

0:04:29 Ramona Shaw: And yet at the same time, as a customer, I really felt this email was so tone deaf, it was not acknowledging at all that sending this email out of the blue, basically saying, with immediate effect, we’re closing shop. I couldn’t even log in after that email. The website was down and well, at some point in the future, you can access your financial data. Doing this two days before for most companies, or many companies, at least the end of the financial year, in the messaging to customers like me, there wasn’t really an acknowledgement that what the impact would be and an explanation of why this is happening and why this is happening on such short notice.

0:05:10 Ramona Shaw: Despite my understanding of how challenging this situation must have been for them and my empathy for them, realizing how much they were lacking empathy and an understanding and an ability to communicate that to customers was what eroded the trust I had in this company and in the leadership and ultimately led me down that path to no longer work with them. You might be thinking, well, wait a second, they’re going bankrupt, so of course you wouldn’t be working with them. But it happens that after that email was sent, they were then two days later acquired by another company and they reopened shop and were basically like, nevermind, we got you. Everything is going to continue as it always has. Don’t worry about it.

0:05:48 Ramona Shaw: But I was too late into it. In the meantime, I already had to figure out what I’m going to do with my books and take actions. I wasn’t going to wait for this all to play out. So despite them being back online and back in sort of service delivery mode, I have decided to move on because of how tone deaf and how enabled they were to understand what was going on to the other side. So now these are examples of situations where it was either a big public event or it was an email.

0:06:18 Ramona Shaw: But it all boils down to the inability to read the room. That is to read the sentiment, the context, the mood of the people I am speaking to or I am engaging with or facing. That is what we’re going to talk about today. And the reason why it’s an important skill to develop or something to pay attention to is because despite your competence and your ability to articulate and to influence, if you’re not able to read the room, you’re running into this risk of losing trust or making poor decisions because you’re too much in your head and not seeing what’s going on around you.

0:06:58 Ramona Shaw: And those are usually the 1 minute or 10 second moments that will eliminate so much of the reputation and the relationship that you’ve built over a long time. So again, for me it was three years of service that were good and we’re building trust. And then one email that eroded a good chunk of that that then made me decide to no longer want to continue that business relationship. So it’s a really critical thing to consider.

0:07:24 Ramona Shaw: And oftentimes when we do talk to more senior leaders, they understand the gravity of this and the importance of developing the skill. But yet often they kind of don’t know. It seems a bit just like confidence or even executive presence that it’s an elusive term. Reading the room, well, some people are just more skilled at that than others. Some people aren’t quite as in tuned with the social cues than their co workers. And so you’re either gifted or not, but that’s actually not true.

0:07:53 Ramona Shaw: Reading the room, yes, will come easier to some than others. But regardless of where you would place yourself on that scale, by being intentional and paying attention to what’s going on in front of you and inside of your head, you’ll be able to develop and Strengthen that skill. So I said in the beginning, I’m going to make this practical. So imagine you’re leading a major change initiative and you walk into a room where your team seems unusually quiet.

0:08:20 Ramona Shaw: If you can pick up on their anxiety and address it head on, right, noticing like their potential resistance to the change and uncover what is getting in the way and tune in and make them feel heard and seen, you might be able to prevent weeks of passive sort of overt resistance. Or picture yourself in a negotiation where understanding the subtle shift in someone’s body language can really help you identify exactly when to press forward and when to ease up. Here’s an interesting stat that really drives home this importance of developing the empathy and like reading that room and understanding what’s going on for others.

0:08:59 Ramona Shaw: According to research by Development dimensions international, or DDI, leaders who master empathy perform more than 40% higher in coaching, engaging others, and in decision making. And just as important, their study of over 15,000 leaders across 300 organizations found that empathy is the single most important leadership skill for successful management in today’s workplace. So when it comes to the key components of reading the room, you’ve got to be aware of multiple layers operating simultaneously.

0:09:30 Ramona Shaw: I’m going to give you a couple more examples. In a recent executive meeting, a senior manager presented a new initiative without realizing that half the room had just come from a budget cut announcement. So that context, the organizational context and the emotional state of the audience completely undermined what might have otherwise been a pretty well received proposal. Another example, different leader I worked with noticed attention in a cross culture team meeting and because of that was able to adjust on the fly, switching from a very direct American style feedback to a more indirect approach that respected more of a culture preference from someone out of Asia.

0:10:14 Ramona Shaw: And it was them realizing like, huh, there’s a mismatch. Something isn’t quite working here. And I’m seeing them struggle or they’re just being challenged in what I’m asking them to do or where I’m asking them to go and recognize that there was a bias for this American direct communication. I was able to pivot and hence integrate that person and bring them on board. So these examples highlight how authority level, so understanding who is in charge in the room, biases that we might have, including gender biases, generational biases and so forth, how they play into the dynamics, the context, organizational context, cultural context, or just the context of the meeting plays into it as well as emotions. So I’m going to say that again, it’s authority.

0:11:04 Ramona Shaw: So who has most authority or least authority in the room. It is biases, it’s context, culture and emotions. So when you go into a room and you ask yourself question, who is really calling the shots here? It’s not always the one with the highest title. Oftentimes we have These high performing ICs who are the expert leaders. They may not be leading the department, but they’re actually the ones making the decision.

0:11:34 Ramona Shaw: Do I need to pivot my approach based on the engagement level? Like look at the mood, the emotions in the room. Are people engaged and interested or not? Have you checked out our masterclass on how to succeed as a first time manager yet? This is a 40 minute free session that will help you better understand how you as a first time manager can set high standards without coming across as being pushy or bossy. How to make sure that you’re not failing your team but you’re really clear on what your role is and you’re living up to it. How to not avoid confrontations or sugarcoat your feedback, but be caring and be direct as well as how to get yourself out of the weeds and really lean into the leadership position and into the leadership tasks that only you can do. So you’ll perform better at the end of the day and your team will be empowered and will deliver greater results as well.

0:12:27 Ramona Shaw: Those are just a few of the topics that we’ll address in this free masterclass. If you haven’t registered yet, head on over to arcoba.org/masterclass and we’ll see you there. Is there any confusion I need to address? Confusion is just a symptom that people aren’t quite following along or there’s some kind of resistance about what all that you’re saying means to them and you don’t want to gloss over that because they’re going to walk out of the meeting, likely not supporting your idea or not doing what you asked them to do. So you have to pivot in the moment by reading the room or are there any emotions simmering between the surface? If you notice frustration, if you notice disapproval, don’t pretend it’s not there and just continue with your agenda. Pause and address it head on. Talk about the elephant in the room.

0:13:20 Ramona Shaw: Not to say that I suggest that you say, hey, I notice you’re being frustrated right now. That would be making assumptions and that’s not what we want to do. But we do want to say, hey, I’m sensing there might be might be. This is the emphasis on might be some frustration or some resistance to this. Can we Talk about it. Is there something that I should know that would allow us to move forward more effectively?

0:13:45 Ramona Shaw: So you do want to elevate it and have the conversation without saying, like, oh, I know for a fact that here’s what’s going on. So any of those assessments that you make as you try to read the room, consider and be mindful that you recognize these are just interpretations that you’re making. And now, with all that said, here’s the thing, and this is probably the most important point that I’ll make today in order to read the room. Well, you have to get out of your own head. For example, as a facilitator of off sites and workshops, I’ve learned that my job isn’t to force feed a specific message or insight to the leaders or teams I work with.

0:14:25 Ramona Shaw: Instead, it is about creating an environment where they can confront themselves and their challenges. When I do so, I realize that this is the part I can control the most. I can control how I show up and the kind of space that I provide by being empathic, by adjusting, by taking into account the dynamics and the context, the emotions, the authority levels and so forth. It isn’t for me to ensure that this is the message that lands, because I can control the message that I provide, but I can’t control how much they receive that message.

0:15:06 Ramona Shaw: And whenever we attach our own success with something that’s out of our control, it’s usually not the most effective way. Actually never the most effective way. So instead for you, for example, if you want to influence or if you want to lead and facilitate team meetings, really well, know that your job is to go in, to prepare with an agenda and all that, and then to create the space for these conversations to be done effectively.

0:15:32 Ramona Shaw: And part of that is to read the room and adjust and pivot your style. The topics, the flow, the. The way that you engage people. If you have an introvert who never says anything, if you have someone from. With a different culture background or someone with English as a second language or someone from a different generation, and you notice there’s a bit of a dynamic going on, that you’re the one who’s addressing it, because that really is your job as you facilitate and lead meetings.

0:16:00 Ramona Shaw: Okay, I’m going to quickly recap what to pay attention to. So we talked about the authority in the room. So who has what kind of authority? We talked about. So this is a B. We talked about biases that are present. These are the unconscious biases which we, we as leaders need to be aware of. There are biases, whether we like it or not. But what are they, and how can you mitigate their influence? Context, organizational context, dynamics, and all of that.

0:16:34 Ramona Shaw: It’s culture that influences the room, and then it’s the mood or the emotion that you want to pick up and navigate as well. Now, I want to break down some of the specific elements that help you do this. One of them is to read the nonverbal cues. So being detective and picking up things from body language to facial expressions, how people arrange themselves in the room, Are they clustering together?

0:17:02 Ramona Shaw: Are they on distance? Are they leaning back? Is someone’s posture showing disengagement? And one quick side note on this, a lot of us are sort of online trying to become sort of pseudo detectives on body language or on diagnosing something or someone without really understanding that we’re very different. And just because I see someone, like, crossing their arms doesn’t mean that they’re disengaged per se.

0:17:33 Ramona Shaw: We want to look at the change of state. So if I’m leaning in and then suddenly you say something, I’m like, huh? And now I’m leaning back and crossing my arms. That is a signal I want to pick up. I could also be very engaged, but cross my arms because I’m chilly in the room. I’m getting cold. But if you see that how I’m engaging my verbal interaction is still being engaged. And don’t miss, interpret me crossing my arms as disengagement.

0:18:04 Ramona Shaw: So that is something just to pay attention to. What are the changes in states? And a lot of this starts with being aware of your own emotional state and being able to sort of take yourself out of it. The more that you’re in your own head of, am I doing this right? Am I the right person to talk about this? Are they doubting me? Are they questioning me? Am I looking bad? Do they think I don’t know what I’m talking about? The more we’re in our own heads, the less we have the ability to actually pick up on what’s going on in the room. And then to demonstrate empathy.

0:18:39 Ramona Shaw: The less we’re concerned of how we’re being perceived, the more we’re able to actually be in the moment and be present at the other point. Here, another sort of competence that flows into reading the room is active listening. Active listening goes beyond just hearing words. It’s about understanding and picking up on the messages, the underlying messages, and the unspoken concerns. Sometimes what’s not being said is as important as what is being said.

0:19:13 Ramona Shaw: There is this technique or this framework called qbq, the question behind the question. So asking yourself what is it that actually is driving their comments or their reactions, Someone might say, okay, so when would you like to get started with this project? And of course, important fact, if I present the project, they would want to know, is this something we’re going to do next week? Or something we think about in Q2?

0:19:43 Ramona Shaw: But underneath the question, the question behind the question, the QPQ might be, I am totally slammed and I’m worried that you are going to put an extra load on my desk that I’m not going to be able to handle. And I just thinking about that makes me feel overwhelmed. So that would be the QBQ that we need to pick up on. And then we can say, great question. I was looking to talk to you about what is your capacity? Because I understand that there’s additional work involved with this project and I’m not fully aware of your capacity right now and in the next few months.

0:20:19 Ramona Shaw: So once we’ve decided whether or not to move forward, let’s stand in a separate conversation, look at what is the right time for us all to get together and what is your ability to participate and lead the project. That response would demonstrate that I understood the Q B key. And then the last thing that I want to point out is the contextual awareness here. So considering the bigger picture, again, what’s happening in the organization, what are recent events that might be influencing people’s attitudes as well as cultural differences that could affect how messages are being received and interpreted? If there is a sort of a natural disaster going on, or there is news about an escalation in a war and we walk into a room and have a conversation, I need to be contextually aware of the fact that they may have just put their phone away, looked at updates on their feeds about what’s going on in the world.

0:21:14 Ramona Shaw: If we’ve just announced budget cuts like I mentioned in the earlier example, and now I’m talking about making a big investment, I need to be aware that they have this organizational context. I remember a personal example where the company had its investor meeting. They were talking about the financials, quarterly reporting, the profits, the revenue of the company, the margins, and they were promoting to the outside how well the company is doing all that. We were aware this was context.

0:21:47 Ramona Shaw: And then internally in certain meetings, the conversation was all about cost cutting, trimming, agile, lean, not spending because we’re struggling. And so the mismatch of like, wait, what are we saying to the outside and what are our financial statements actually reflect about the health of the company versus the message that’s communicated internally. And it’s not to say that one of them was wrong. It’s just understanding that people hearing this may make assumptions or that that is something that needs to be addressed to avoid people going off into their own stories and then showing up with a certain resistance or a mood or an emotion.

0:22:32 Ramona Shaw: So it’s being able to read the room, being flexible with your communication style and the content as well as the energy, paying extra attention to facial expressions, tone of voice especially important in hybrid and virtual settings, and having strategies to pivot to re engage when you notice there’s confusion or engagement. Sort of like drizzling out. Right? And now a quick word on the biases that I mentioned earlier. We all have biases and it’s just important to recognize what are the biases and how they are distorting our read of a situation. So in addition to the social biases of how we may see an introvert or how we may see someone from a different generation or different gender, we have things like the confirmation bias, which makes us see what we expect to see. Right? We pay more attention to that.

0:23:25 Ramona Shaw: Authority bias is causing us to overweight the opinions of senior leaders. So awareness is the first step to then being able to mitigate this. By the way, on that last point, if you are a senior leader in the room, this is something that’s broadly proclaimed, even in the military and beyond. Being aware of this authority bias means that if you want to really hear what other people think about a certain project or idea, voice your opinion last. Because the moment you, as a more senior person in the room, will voice your opinion or your ideas now you’ve influenced the rest of the room.

0:24:04 Ramona Shaw: So that is it for today’s episode. I wanted to really highlight authority biases, context, culture and moods. The A, B, C, C, M. I’m not big on acronyms, but there we go. Those are the key things to pay attention to in order to read the room well. And I hope that these additional examples getting a little bit deeper into the nonverbal cues and the biases, the active listening and empathy components also help you better understand how to apply this in the real world in your personal situations.

0:24:37 Ramona Shaw: Until next time, keep leading. Keep stepping in. Lead with empathy and awareness. Pay attention to what’s going on in your rooms. The more you do so, the better you’ll get at this skill. Thanks so much for tuning in. I’ll be back next week with another episode of The Manage Track podcast. Bye for now. If you enjoyed this episode, then check out two other awesome resources to help you become a leader people love to work with.

0:25:00 Ramona Shaw: This includes a free masterclass on how to successfully lead as a new manager. Check it out@archova.org/ masterclass. The second resource is my best selling book the Confident and competent New Manager. How to quickly rise to success in your first leadership role. Check it out@archova.org/books or head on over to Amazon and grab your copy there. You can find all those links in the show notes down below.