Episode 252 Transcript:

0:00:00 Ramona Shaw: This is episode 252 and we’re going to talk about using different communication styles and how much more effective and influential you can be when you understand the three core communication styles that your team members have, your stakeholders, your boss has, and how to adapt to them so that your message actually resonates with them and calls them into action. Here are the two questions this podcast answers.

0:00:25 Ramona Shaw: One, how do you successfully transition into your first official leadership role? And two, how do you keep climbing that leadership ladder and continuously get promoted? Although the competition and the expectations get bigger, this show, The Manager Track podcast will provide the answers. I’m your host, Ramona Shaw. I’m on a mission to create workplaces where work is seen as a source of contribution, connection and personal fulfillment. And this transition starts with developing a new generation of leaders who know how to lead so everyone wins and grows.

0:00:58 Ramona Shaw: In the show, you’ll learn how to think, communicate, and act as a confident and competent leader you know you can be welcome back to The Manager Track podcast. For those of you who are listening to this episode on a podcast app, know that typically we also release video versions on YouTube of our podcast. If you prefer the video format, then head on over to YouTube and find our podcast under Ramona Shaw Leadership Coaching.

0:01:22 Ramona Shaw: Now, this particular episode though, is an audio only because it is Sunday as I’m recording this and I just landed back home after a red eye flight. And yeah, I decided to give myself some grace today and do an audio version only, but this is going to be a good one. So I’m excited for you to be here to dive into this topic of having different communication styles and how to become more effective as a leader by understanding the three main styles.

0:01:51 Ramona Shaw: But to start off, let me share an example that might sound familiar to you. Sarah is a successful product manager and she’s been in that role for about five years. She then was promoted to lead a team of 12 people, which is actually sort of moving from a product management with informal leadership authority into a official leadership role with 12 people on her teams. Actually pretty big leap and requires a lot of growth and adaptation.

0:02:18 Ramona Shaw: Now, she was known for her analytical approach. She was very detailed in her project plans, very meticulous, and she’s able to juggle a lot and meet many different deadlines across the board and sort of keep the plate spinning. And that is what senior leaders really appreciated her and also made them recognize this person. Sarah has leadership capabilities and we entrust her with taking over this new role. Now, in that new team, there were developers there were designers and there were a number of different business analysts.

0:02:50 Ramona Shaw: They were all talented, they were performing at different levels, had some really strong high performers. She had some people who were still growing into their roles, but doing pretty well. And then she had some people that she had to manage and really monitor how well of a fit they are into her team. But beyond that, what she quickly realized is that how they all have very different styles, very different needs and demands on her.

0:03:14 Ramona Shaw: And it felt a little overwhelming. And I think for many of us this is relatable if you have been there, or maybe you have to imagine this, but if 12 people directly reporting into you and they’re looking to you as their boss, their main relationship at work, that is you, and they need you in a different capacity and you are the one managing all that. You’re the one who’s supposed to adapt to what they need.

0:03:36 Ramona Shaw: On top of that, you also have a range of different stakeholders that you need to manage and adapt to in order to be effective and work across departments and across the organization. So one morning, Sarah walked into what she thought would be a routine project update meeting. Her team was working on a critical new feature and they were falling behind schedule. And so she knew that she had to press and challenge them a bit to think about ways to catch up. And so to do so, she spent the previous evening preparing a presentation with data, with charts, with action plans, with assignments to check in with where everyone is, what are the different dependencies, make sure that we’re monitoring what’s on track, what’s not on track, and then again options to speed up the process in certain areas to get back closer, to increase the likelihood of them meeting the deadlines.

0:04:29 Ramona Shaw: So as she started to present her plan and the numbers and what she was tracking and pointing out the inefficiencies in the process and what’s lacking, she noticed a whole bunch of different reactions in the room. There was one senior developer that she noticed started to withdraw and actually seem a bit defensive when she highlighted there was a delay in code deliveries. There was also a usually fairly enthusiastic designer that you had on the team that started to seem a bit disengaged and disconnected from the whole thing and the project overall and seemed to just not really care.

0:05:03 Ramona Shaw: And then on the other hand, you had a high performing business analyst who was actively engaged, taking notes, asking questions, starting to formulate action plans for themselves. And, and she felt at the end of the meeting that out of the six people who were part of that specific project update meeting, really only her and that business analysts were having a conversation, and she felt that that guy was the only one who was really carrying the project and, you know, that she could rely on. And she almost felt like no one else was fully engaged, and she was losing her ability to influence and get people to rally around that project and to meet that deadline.

0:05:39 Ramona Shaw: And that was the biggest challenge. So this is Sarah’s scenario, but I want to pause it for a moment. Think about how a scenario like this might unfolded for you in a situation, you know, that applies to your position and your role. It’s very common with most of my executive coaching clients at some point. This topic around how to communicate effectively, motivate people and how to influence them is challenging, and how their default approach seems to not work with some people. And that’s exactly what Sarah found herself in.

0:06:09 Ramona Shaw: Now, what she didn’t realize initially it was that she was speaking a language that really only resonated with that business analyst and with herself. But this is one of those key insights that really makes a huge difference, is that when we realize the things that make total sense to us, the things that resonate with us, that motivate us, isn’t what’s sort of universally true and the right approach.

0:06:35 Ramona Shaw: No, that is just the approach that connects the most with how we’re wired. This is not about right or wrong. This is about being effective. And once we really embrace the fact that it’s not the right approach, even though it seems that way because it matches our own style, no, it’s just the way that we prefer it. And with that, at least half of your team, if not more, will not respond as well to that approach as you do. So the point is really to recognize that when you feel like you’re in your element and you’re doing exactly what needs to happen right now, that is true for you and maybe a third, maybe half of your team, but not for everyone.

0:07:16 Ramona Shaw: So in Sarah’s case, she was focusing very strongly on the performance metrics, on hard data, on the process, the action plan, the deadlines. And she was missing in all of that, the opportunity to connect with team members who were motivated by different factors, who sure knew that deadlines were important, but that really wasn’t what inspired them to do good work, Wasn’t even why they were there on that team or working for that company in the first place.

0:07:47 Ramona Shaw: So because she was so honed in on the action plan, the roadmap, the deadlines, the data, she noticed at the end of it, team morale was declining. She needed to choose a Different approach. So this episode is about exploring the main communication and motives and we’ll talk about how to adapt our communication to be more effective with those people who are motivated by different things or communicate in a different way.

0:08:15 Ramona Shaw: So the framework I’m going to introduce to you here is based on the SDI assessment. The SDI assessment is based on the psychological theories developed by Elias Porter. They were then purchased by a company called Core Strength and further developed into an assessment and resources and personal and professional development materials and programs and now is owned by Crucial Learnings. We use at arcova the Size the eye assessment with many of our clients because it is such an effective tool to recognize what we’re motivated by and how that influences how we communicate and to recognize how our style is really just one style.

0:08:59 Ramona Shaw: Plus it helps us learn how to better communicate with people who again are wired and motivated by different things. So while I could talk for hours about this, this episode as tactical and actionable for you as possible. So I’m going to break down the three primary ways people tend to communicate and process information. The first one is focused on people. So in this people focused style, relationships and harmony take center stage. So individuals who have this as their dominant style are naturally gravitating towards having healthy team dynamics, building and maintaining relationships, knowing that their relationships with their team members, their peers and their managers are really strong. That really matters.

0:09:48 Ramona Shaw: Having a positive overall work environment is important to them and they really enjoy supporting each other’s growth and development. Those are key factors. Oftentimes I hear people talk and emphasize the importance of checking in on their team health, making sure people are not burning out, they’re not overly stressed. If someone seems to not not do well with the workload, that immediately turns into a big issue for them and something that needs to be addressed and escalated.

0:10:18 Ramona Shaw: Also, conflict or tension can be someone difficult and overtake other things on the team. A lot of leaders who identify with being supportive and see themselves as a coach to their team members and find it really motivating in a leadership position to support other people’s growth. Those are indicated that they’re people focused. Now in our story about Sarah, the designer and the team may fall into this category. It’s kind of hard to say just with the information that I shared there.

0:10:47 Ramona Shaw: But the lack of acknowledging the team’s effort and sort of resonating with this metrics driven approach would be something that for a people focused person, this is demotivating or just uninspiring. It does not resonate a whole lot it’s kind of like okay, fine and so what? But it doesn’t light a fire, it doesn’t make my heart sing, it doesn’t call me into action. It just like, okay, I know we’re in a business and a team and we got to meet deadlines.

0:11:19 Ramona Shaw: I’m aware of the fact there’s like, but there’s like nothing that motivates me or makes me react with positive emotions. So messages that are very result focused, most tactical procedural tend to land a bit flat. The second style I’m going to talk about is the performance driven style. Individuals with that style tend to focus on results. So what are we accomplishing? What are the goals? And the more clear the goals are, the better and the more motivated they feel.

0:11:48 Ramona Shaw: They like taking actions, they likely to have a to do list. They find it really satisfying getting stuff done, they feel rewarded, they enjoy competition or just as getting a sense of achievement, like hitting a milestone, building something, seeing something come to life is very motivating. They usually also appreciate direct communication and quick decision making. In Sarah’s situation, she had aspects of that. She was totally focused on the metrics, on the deadlines and the action plans and loved seeing all the different to do’s everyone had and checking in on the progress.

0:12:25 Ramona Shaw: All with this desire to make sure that you know, we’re tracking towards a goal, towards an outcome. And she sees that progress, this like sense of connection with, with progress and feeling motivated by it, that’s a, a clear indicator of someone who’s driven by performance. And then we have a third style. The third is the analytical styles. It’s people who tend to prioritize sort of the logic, the data, systematic approaches, careful planning, they like frameworks, protocols, procedures, processes, accuracy is really important and precision.

0:13:00 Ramona Shaw: So we wouldn’t want to be making rash or quick decisions. We really want to be deliberate. We want to do what’s right, not what’s easy and what’s fast. The person that I mentioned earlier in Sarah’s story that demonstrated most of that was the business analyst who was very engaged in sort of the processes and the action steps that need to happen, was taking notes in the meetings, like loved making, wanted to make sure that they know exactly what needs to happen, they have a plan, the next steps were laid out, they asked questions to make sure they fully understand what needs to happen or what to base their decision on to get the full picture so that desire to know for sure and accuracy was shown there.

0:13:43 Ramona Shaw: So these are the three main styles. People oriented, performance driven, anti analytical or Analytically oriented people. Now, when we fail to recognize and adapt to different communication styles, several problems can arise. And we saw that in Sarah’s example here. People who don’t feel like they’re spoken to right when the message seems to land a bit flat and it’s not communicated in a way that resonates, they tend to disengage, especially over time. We may totally, you know, be fine with a meeting or two, or we may not see that immediately, but over time it feels like there’s a disconnect.

0:14:22 Ramona Shaw: So withdrawing from the process, not engaging, not communicating, would be examples of that. The second consequence of not speaking the language or that misalignment is that misunderstandings are more likely when we assume everyone process information the same way that we do. So the person on Sarah’s team, we sort of get defensive because their performance was critiqued, may have felt like they were not valued on the team and there was tension and conflict and the harmony on the team and the work relationship was being disrupted through this criticism.

0:14:58 Ramona Shaw: So those would be indicated that this person had a relationship oriented approach or style. And what would have motivated them a lot more is if Sarah had mentioned how much she appreciates everyone on the team pulling their weight or coming together and working well together, and how she wants to continue to support that and how on the team we can collaborate better. How she could offer some support or even ask what do you need in order to get back on track with the deadlines and demonstrating some empathy and understanding that not everything went as planned and some of the steps took longer. But really highlighting the fact that the relationship was still secure and that the opposition or the criticism was intended to help the team and help the individual for them to be successful in this project.

0:15:45 Ramona Shaw: But not doing that right then left this person feeling defensive, feeling disconnected and feeling like there was friction on the team and that is demotivating to them so often feels very energy draining. It just kind of sucks the joy out of the project. Also, as a third consequence is a reduction in productivity. When team members feel misunderstood or not valued, their productivity naturally suffers.

0:16:11 Ramona Shaw: So it’s like a lack of engagement. That’s one like they may not fully engage, not ask the questions that are important to have asked, they’re important to discuss, they may not share ideas and voice their opinions, that’s one part. But it also just slows them down. When we’re not motivated, when team morale seems to be deflated because we are not excited about the project, we’re just not as productive.

0:16:37 Ramona Shaw: And over time and Especially with, you know, five people on a project, if three out of the five just aren’t as motivated, it starts to add up. There’s definitely a costly productivity loss that has to be absorbed. Now, we talked about the three main styles. What they look like, kind of what they look like, what works, what doesn’t work. We talked about the impact of missing alignment. So when a leader does not recognize how to adapt their communication style and what motivates them to speak the other person’s language.

0:17:09 Ramona Shaw: And to quickly recap, that includes decreased engagement, increased conflict, and a reduction in productivity. Now to wrap this all up, let’s talk about some practical tips to adapt your communication and become more versatile in your own communication approach. So for people on your team who are people focused, start meetings with a personal check in. Make them feel that you truly, genuinely care and not pretend care. Like what do you genuinely care?

0:17:39 Ramona Shaw: Acknowledge their contribution so they resonate really well with their recognition, with individual praise and just demonstrating that you’re grateful for what they do or how they contribute to the broader team. If there’s something that’s not going well, and even if you want to give them feedback, talk about how their behavior or how their work impacts other teams, other people directly because they care about the well being of other people and those around them.

0:18:07 Ramona Shaw: And so if you talk about the fact that, let’s say if someone’s late on to the meeting and you talk about the fact that, you know, company policy is to be on time for meetings that may just not land so well, but then like, okay, fine, you know, there was a reason for why I was late. But if you tell them, look, it takes time away and it’s disrespectful for everyone else in the meeting who showed up on time and then has to wait or has to recap for you and it just doesn’t help build positive relationships, it doesn’t make them feel that their time is respected in equal ways, that likely really resonates with them and so they’re more inclined to change their behavior. They really also resonate with the language, the collaborative language of using we and you know, involving them in the decision making process, in demonstrating an inclusive style.

0:18:54 Ramona Shaw: Sometimes it’s even just about how what you tell them and how you communicate things and where you might stand in a project, what decisions you’ve made, what you haven’t made yet, asking for their input. All those ways will make them feel more connected. Now if you have someone who’s performance driven, now we go into the second style here. What People tend to appreciate is kind of getting straight to the point. So we’re not talking too much about personal lives or how someone is feeling?

0:19:25 Ramona Shaw: No, we’re really focused on the task at hand and what needs to be done. A focus on outcomes and results is motivating. And depending on where they are in terms of seniority and the organization, they may also appreciate sort of clear action items. Especially if something is talked about that’s very creative or high, big picture or visionary, they may be the ones who will quickly shift into, okay, this is all fun and nice and inspiring, but now what are we going to do with that? Like, is this going to translate into a roadmap? Is this going to translate into a project and when are we going to do that and how are we going to do that? Those are likely questions that are going to come up.

0:20:05 Ramona Shaw: So they do like concrete goals and deadlines and then they feel motivated to rally around those and trying to achieve them. When they do and when they demonstrate progress or achievements, this is then a moment for a leader to recognize that and call out how much they’ve contributed or how pleased you are with the progress and so forth. Now the last group with the analytical team members, they want to know detailed information and data.

0:20:35 Ramona Shaw: So if you rush them into decision making or if you tell them just go quick, we don’t have time for this, we just need an answer by like yesterday. They’re likely going to find that really annoying, don’t want to fully engage. So allow them time to process, to come up with questions, to have the dialogue, to do their analysis. That’s something that they likely really appreciate. They also like logical arguments and somewhat methodical approaches.

0:21:03 Ramona Shaw: So talking about how something may impact the team’s well being or someone may not like it, or someone may feel excluded by it. Yeah, they acknowledge that it’s not that they don’t care, it’s just not a strong argument to them. How someone may feel in the process does not compare to what’s the right thing to do in regards to this decision. So focus your arguments on logic and data that will really resonate with them and call them to action.

0:21:34 Ramona Shaw: They also love to document things, document decisions, document processes, and when you acknowledge their ability to be detail oriented, to work with precision, data quality or just quality of work and accuracy, when you call out how well they do in those aspects, again that’s something that likely will be very meaningful for them. So as you can see, even just looking at the three dominant styles here, you can probably immediately see how these are Reflected in your co workers or in your team members.

0:22:07 Ramona Shaw: And this is where sort of the power comes from, understanding how each of them is different and how you as the leader will be a lot more influential, impactful, when you’re able to communicate in a way that resonates with them and highlight what matters to them, what truly motivates them. And bonus question here. Think about which style you personally resonate with the most and how some messages land well with you and some may not.

0:22:35 Ramona Shaw: For myself, if I receive three different emails and one email is a lot more about sort of a protocol or a procedure. The other email is about a goal that we have set and progress and what to do next. And then the third email is about a team event or an interpersonal conflict. The first and the third email I will totally respond to, but they will feel a little bit more energy draining. I can immediately pick up that, okay, I have to like get into it and make myself really engage with the topic. The second email about the goals and the progress makes me feel so much more energized. Just even the thought about it and responding to that email will come so much easier to me.

0:23:18 Ramona Shaw: That’s just because of what motivates me more. So if someone wanted to talk to me about a team event or about standard operating procedure, for example, and that communication would be framed in context of our results, our goals, or specific action items and tasks, that would make it easier for me to respond to and more likely for me to immediately jump on it. And this is just my own personal reflection, like being aware of that myself.

0:23:48 Ramona Shaw: The question really is, what is it for you and how is it showing up for you at work? So to go back to the beginning, we talked about the scenario with Sarah and the scenario with Sarah in her project update meeting. Let’s talk about how she could have handled it in a more effective approach. She might have come into a conversation and have said, hey, team, before we dive into the numbers, I want to acknowledge the incredible effort everyone has been putting into this project.

0:24:17 Ramona Shaw: I’ve seen the creative solutions you’ve developed and the careful attention to quality of work, for example. And then they may call out the different people and what they specifically have seen as to creative solutions or really strong collaboration or high quality and attention to detail. So the people who relate to the people components or the analytical components, they immediately feel seen, heard and engaged.

0:24:45 Ramona Shaw: Then she could have gone on to say, hey, we’re currently running behind our timeline and I want us to work together. So she’s emphasizing the people aspect Again, to get back on track, I’ve prepared some data to help us understand where we stand and what we need to achieve. The fact that she’s highlighting data now speaks to the analytical people. Then she could have said something such as, my goal for this meeting is to walk away with clear action items that will help us deliver this feature successfully.

0:25:13 Ramona Shaw: I believe we have the talent and all the resources we need to make this happen and be successful. That resonates with the performance driven people. And then she could have go on to say, like, okay, I’m curious to hear your perspective on what’s working well, where you experience challenges and what we can do about this. So in this alternative approach that we just talked about, she acknowledges relationships and team efforts.

0:25:35 Ramona Shaw: She recognizes the analytical component, she recognizes the collaboration, the creativity as well as, you know, some achievements that have already been made. She provides data, she demonstrates a systematic approach. She then sets clear performance expectations and she invites collaboration and discussion and creates a positive environment to create solutions and to work together, which is that people component. So in addition to thinking about your own style, I encourage you to think about your team members communication preferences, who tends to focus on relationships and harmony, who prioritizes actions and results, and who on your team gravitates towards this analysis and sort of quality or precision and answer those questions. And then in one of your upcoming interactions with each of those people, adapt your own style. So for those who are people focused, start with a personal check in, really spend a bit of time talking about how they’re doing, what they’re looking forward to, what energizes them, what they did on the weekend, how their family’s doing and so forth.

0:26:42 Ramona Shaw: Performance driven colleagues or team members for performance driven colleagues and team members emphasize results and action items or goals. Really try to lean into that and frame your conversation around those topics. And then for your analytical team members, provide context, provide data, give them a heads up of what you want to talk about, give them background information and focus on logical arguments and then see how by doing so their response or reaction may change compared to may be different from how they have responded in the past.

0:27:21 Ramona Shaw: Take note of that and see if you’re on the right track. You’re not sure right, you’re making an assumption or an assessment and then having a best guess to what you think they are motivated by. But you may not know for sure. So continue to keep attention to what they’re highlighting, how they’re framing arguments, what they seem to respond to well, and all of that gives you an indication of how you may need to change your communication style to speak their language better. And of course the alternative is to take the SDI assessment with your team or as a group.

0:27:54 Ramona Shaw: Those assessments are available on the Crucial Learnings website or at our co op. We do this with individuals as well as teams to provide those assessments and then debrief them either individually or as a group. It’s a great team building exercise that really translates into better understanding of oneself and understanding of other people and then the ability to communicate more effectively with each other.

0:28:20 Ramona Shaw: So remember, becoming aware of different communication styles is really just the first step. The real matching then happens when you start to flex your style to meet others where they’re at. So this doesn’t mean, by the way, that you need to change who you are. It’s about expanding your leadership toolkit and your approach to become more effective with all types of people. There is simply not just one way, your way is just one of many.

0:28:47 Ramona Shaw: And so the more that you can flex, the more effective you will become. Now this was part one of a two part series. In two weeks from now we will talk about how these communication styles change when you’re in conflict situations or when things get stressful, and how to navigate conflict resolution with people who just seem to operate differently or seem to go about conflict in a very different way. To make sure you’re not missing that episode again, head on over to YouTube to subscribe and get updates there. Or subscribe to The Manager Track podcast in your podcast app if you haven’t already.

0:29:22 Ramona Shaw: If you want to learn more about the SDI assessment to increase your own awareness or to use it for a team building session, then send us an email @contactarchova.org you’ll find the details in the Show Notes. Thanks so much and I’ll see you next week with another episode of The Manager Track podcast. Bye for now. If you enjoyed this episode, then check out two other awesome resources to help you become a leader people love to work with.

0:29:49 Ramona Shaw: This includes a free masterclass on how to successfully lead as a new manager. Check it out@archova.org/Masterclass the second resource is my best selling book the Confident and Competent New Manager. How to quickly rise to success in your first leadership role. Check it out@archova.org/books or head on over to Amazon and grab your copy there. You can find all those links in the show notes down below.